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Ok so in my bathroom there is a towel that states "I wish I was Barbie...that bitch has everything!"At first read, I thought to myself - damnit that towel is right! She has that great place in Malibu, that sweet pink ride, a perfect body and hair, and god who could deny Ken! But then I really got to thinking about the logistics of what this towel says, and whomever wrote this did not really investigate Barbie as thoroughly as they should have. I mean think about the following:
1. Barbie has had more occupations than a Jamaican - I mean astronaut, lawyer, nurse, CEO, babysitter, professional cheerleader...you see where I'm going with this?
2. She clearly is unskilled. She was each of these occupations for all of what - a day each? Then onto the next gig. I think this chick was getting fired...clearly it's not the recession that caused her to lose her jobs so quickly. I mean the next step is definitely homeless Barbie.
3. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that if Barbie were a real person she wouldn't survive because of her body proportions. So basically, if I were Barbie - I would be dead already...looking hot with nowhere to go but a coffin.
4. She's always on her tippy toes. I mean don't you think that if you walked around like that all day long you would want to cut your feet off?!
Anyway - that's 4 reasons. I think that I could definitely write some more, but damnit I'm tired and I think I can leave Barbie alone for the rest of the day.
Just remember - next time you are sitting on the toilet, reading a towel, and feeling envious of Barbie because it told you to, take a minute to think about what I just said here. Think of your foot pain from standing up on your toes!
